Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Roots (For My Nephew)

"...I am wronged. It is a shameful thing thatyou should mind these folks that are out oftheir wits."

This will never be made into a miniseries because it's about white people.
My nephew asked about our relative who "was a witch". Actually she was NOT a witch. OK like NOBODY that was killed in Salem was, but there are witches. I studied Wicca for a while until it looked as stupid as any other religion. Martha Carrier was accused of witchcraft because some say she had been tellng fortunes, some say she had been friendly with the Indians and had learned some pain killing procedures and such and Cotton Mathers who was the grand poobah of their village did not like that. He was a doctor so I'm sure he felt threatened. Most say that she was a very outspoken woman who despised hypocrisy (a family trait no doubt). She and her husband had an interesting story and I'd really like to make it into a movie one day but there have been so many about the Salem Witch hunts. The worst bit about her trial was that the church got her children to testify against her. They told the of how she would dance in the moonlight and turn into a cat. Imagine her feelings of betrayal! According to Aunt Connie who was writing about this (If you've seen photos of the reunion, Aunt Connie is the 80+ year old wearing the Sweat shirt that says "Every body Feng Shui Tonight") the children were told that they were going to be in a play and were rehearsed for their roles. They had no idea they were sending their mother to the gallows with their testimony. Older children were tortured until they confessed and immediately retracted their confessions but it was too late. (Do you see why Auntie Fluff avoids churches?) Marttha remained indignant. She neve confesd (confession did save lives) One man refused to stand tial and so he was pressd to death. It took him a few days to die right out in public view, stones being added daily.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

The Joy of the Season

This is a photo of my sister, Diane; cousins Melinda and Cynthia and Mini Me just bursting with holiday cheer. Seems Christmas still has the same joy for me now as it did then.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Tony F-ing Curtis

Chris, Mike, Robbie and I went to Chicago to do another autograph show. Sure it's fun to be with my other family and for the record, Robbie Rist (AKA Cousin Oliver) has always been one of my favorite people on the planet. Spending time with these folks is always a treat. In addition I got to meet a couple of Myspace friends, Josh and Annie. (More bloggings to come) Georgyne came too and her super nice friends helped work the table so a good time was had.

Still, I hate autograph shows. There is something just sad about sitting at a table with a sharpie signing photographs of yourself that were taken forty years ago ...
unless ...
....Tony Curtis is at the next table doing the same thing. Yes, I got to breath the same air with this legend. Sure he is an old man now and he has reached the point where he is no longer Tony Curtis - he is Tony FUCKING Curtis. 
Like most old men, he has no time or patience for the bullshit in life. He does what he wants and makes no apologies. He hides his baldness under a stetson the size of a row boat and rides around in a scooter. He has a great attitude and says what he pleases. He can get away with anything because he is, Tony Fucking Curtis!
So we all went over to get our picture taken with this legend. At Robbie's prompt, he recounted the story of when he was young and he had gone to acting school with Walter Matthau, Rod Steiger, and others and was the first to leave New York and get a movie contract. Soon the studio had him traveling around the country doing publicity for films, even ones he wasn't in. On one trip to New York, Tony was in a limo and saw Walter Matthau standing on a curb looking very down and depressed. Gloating in his new success, Tony had the limo driver slow down and  when his window was even with Matthau, he lowered it to yell, "I fucked Yvonne DeCarlo!" then had the driver speed away.

He is adorable. 

The next afternoon when the show was near closing, he was sitting in his scooter and not busy. I miss my parents and this causes me to love old people even more than I normally would. I decided to go over to exchange pleasantries with him and he gave me a lovely compliment:
"GREAT BAZOOMS!" he shouted.
I am honored. He's Tony Fucking Curtis!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Puppet Master

If there's any doubt as to the intentions of Howard K. Stern or the sincerity of his "love" for Anna Nicole Smith and "his" child. Check out this recent segment of Greta Van Susteren's show "On The Record",2933,252979,00.html
See the footage here:
This is between two and three weeks of "his" baby's delivery. A thoughtful Dad, thinking of the money he can make. Oh Howard I hope you get butt fucked in prison! (Oh wait, I hear you like it like that. At least that's what the boys in Santa Monica say)

Monday, February 05, 2007

My Little Goth Boy

Michael entered the Guitar Hero contest and WON! Here are the disturbing pictures: He won this new guitar controller.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

The Church of Bob

clockwise: Bob, Brother Greg, Mother Fluffer, Father Shpritzer, Sister Peaches, Brother Felix, Father Time
I regret to say that the Church of Bob seems to have fizzled out. I believe all of us flockers had our fill of fried food. Now with my bout with hepatitis, an onion ring could be fatal. But thems was good times and there WILL be more! A new supper club will be formed with more variety and less preaching.
You can witness the COB hi jinks at

Monday, January 29, 2007

Barbaro Rest in Peace

Poor guy lost his battle. I was so hoping he would get to live out the rest of his days as a stud muffin.
sniff sniff

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Valentine's Day!

It's Coming Up Soon!

Instead of just buying chocolates for that secret someone you've been stalking,
consider the elderly,
they need love too.

(Another quality product from Fluffco)

Monday, January 22, 2007

You Know You're a Bad Mom When...

Your son comes running up to you saying...
"Mommy Mommy! I just found the tablature for "Lick My Love Pump"!

Compounding this infraction is the fact that it is MOMMY who wants to learn this song.

(Tablature is a system of musical notation for guitarists)

March of the Penguins

I have a new favorite movie.

This film is so beyond beautiful. The score is wonderful, it is also narrated by my favorite actor (Morgan Freeman)

Of course the best thing is the subject matter... PENGUINS!

These are Emperor Penguins.

(unlike the little shit that bit my hand in Hawaii.
But can you imagine being a penguin in Hawaii?
"Hank" was cranky, I can hardly blame him...
And we did kiss and make up.)

These amazing animals are just so admirable. Of course the babies are completely beyond cute.

What lovely creatures, and what a lovely film.

March of the Penguins Warner Independent Pictures -- Official Site

Friday, January 19, 2007

End of a Dream

I have come to the realization that I have turned into a "Stage Mom"
I have relentlessly been trying to turn my son into a rock star.

What is the point of parenting if you don't try to force your kid into your failed dreams??

"What is that you're doing? HOMEWORK? You stop that now and go into the garage and jam with your buddies!
Dammit, I didn't buy you an Ibanez so that you could do Algebra!

Now Go to your studio! Don't come out until you have a demo!"

But I came face to face with the insanity. I called my son's guitar teacher to tell him that we will be ending the lessons (BTW His teacher is one of the most endearing people I have ever encountered - super cute too!) But it's time to realize that the kid just ain't hacking it.

Really hard for me to take because I KNOW he has the talent but he's mesmerised with the game "Guitar Hero".

Thank you Greg for turning him on to that...

Oh wait a minute, I'M the one who bought the playstation and the game.


Saturday, January 13, 2007

Still an ELP Fan

My first musical idol (before I accepted Jimmy Page as my Lord and Savior) was Keith Emerson. I just found this old video which is suitable for the holidays.
YouTube - Emerson Lake and Palmer - Nutrocker
Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

TV Stuff

Tonight (Tuesday, January 8) The History Channel will be showing a special on on how nicely the church treated Galileo for inventing the telescope.
Oh the nerve of him!
We want nothing to do with scientific advancement. It only makes our religious beliefs look silly!

(But as I've said before, if there were smarter people in the church, they might see that science totally supports the idea of something divine)

Said the Insomniac to Her Golden Retriever...

You've washed your bum, you've cleaned your balls, you've polished and shined your dick.
My God, Trevor, when will this end? What else are you going to lick?

Written at 4:00 AM after all the slurping noises of my large, male dog, licking himself, finally drove me MAD!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Still The Best Music Video

you have to watch it over and over until you feel just like the guy in the white suit

Sorry, this blogger's got some kind of flu.
I been real sick.
Feeling lots better now.
Sorry I've been silent!
I'm just starting to get feed back from cool new friends! I love you guys. Thanks for shaking spiritual hands with me. It means a lot!
Sorry I've been so sick.
Actually it's probably worse than a flu. With any luck, it's just menopause.

My darling little Tabitha is in heat. Tabitha is my extra tiny cat. Trevor is my large male dog (Golden Retriever) I have a male cat too. His name is Ryan and I guess he's just not very attractive, she chose the dog.
Oh how I enjoy watching her and Trevor trying to copulate.

It assures me that there is another female on this planet that is having an even harder time than I am in getting laid.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Harm Is In Us

I have a problem with this.

Killing as an act of self defence, an act of war, an act of desperation makes some kind of evil sense.

I know he deserved it, but how can we coldly, cooly and colectedly end a man's life? Death is a necessary evil as part of this mortal coil. Anger, hunger fear precede such acts of genocide. To kill one's own kind should be a last resort. To calmly, deliberately execute.. an execution seems like the ultimate evil. When he woke up did he plan to wear those clothes as the clothes he woud die in? Does anybody feel justice here or just the stench of more blood shed

Animalistic behavior has to end at some point...once we have calmed down don't we rise above these urges?

And to all my beloved animal friends, I am so sorry for comparing you to humans. What an insult!