Sunday, April 15, 2007

Tony F-ing Curtis

Chris, Mike, Robbie and I went to Chicago to do another autograph show. Sure it's fun to be with my other family and for the record, Robbie Rist (AKA Cousin Oliver) has always been one of my favorite people on the planet. Spending time with these folks is always a treat. In addition I got to meet a couple of Myspace friends, Josh and Annie. (More bloggings to come) Georgyne came too and her super nice friends helped work the table so a good time was had.

Still, I hate autograph shows. There is something just sad about sitting at a table with a sharpie signing photographs of yourself that were taken forty years ago ...
unless ...
....Tony Curtis is at the next table doing the same thing. Yes, I got to breath the same air with this legend. Sure he is an old man now and he has reached the point where he is no longer Tony Curtis - he is Tony FUCKING Curtis. 
Like most old men, he has no time or patience for the bullshit in life. He does what he wants and makes no apologies. He hides his baldness under a stetson the size of a row boat and rides around in a scooter. He has a great attitude and says what he pleases. He can get away with anything because he is, Tony Fucking Curtis!
So we all went over to get our picture taken with this legend. At Robbie's prompt, he recounted the story of when he was young and he had gone to acting school with Walter Matthau, Rod Steiger, and others and was the first to leave New York and get a movie contract. Soon the studio had him traveling around the country doing publicity for films, even ones he wasn't in. On one trip to New York, Tony was in a limo and saw Walter Matthau standing on a curb looking very down and depressed. Gloating in his new success, Tony had the limo driver slow down and  when his window was even with Matthau, he lowered it to yell, "I fucked Yvonne DeCarlo!" then had the driver speed away.

He is adorable. 

The next afternoon when the show was near closing, he was sitting in his scooter and not busy. I miss my parents and this causes me to love old people even more than I normally would. I decided to go over to exchange pleasantries with him and he gave me a lovely compliment:
"GREAT BAZOOMS!" he shouted.
I am honored. He's Tony Fucking Curtis!