Friday, December 29, 2006

Donald Dick

The time has come to take a stand. In this feud between Rosie and the Don, I must point out that at least Rosie has used her wit. Donald has pretty much been going "Neener neener neener".
Donald has proven that class, much like the elusive folicle, is something that simply can not be purchased.

You can buy women, but you can't buy character.

You also can't buy taste.
Have you seen his cribs?They look like Liberace's stylist had an epileptic fit. They shreak "Look, here's some gold! Can you see I'm rich??? Look here's marble, can you tell how rich I am??? Here's my synthetic wife, have you noticed that I'm rich?"

Of course he's a man of discriminating taste. He thinks Angelina Jolie is unnatractive but Paris Hilton is "extremely attractive". He's also a big fan of Kevin Federline.
Oh yeah, he's a class act.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Muh Muh Muh My Generation

Oh the good old days.
We didn't have to wear seat belts, in fact our Buick didn't have any. I think Mom and Dad cut them out because they were always getting in the way. We made "Creeple People" with the "Thing machine" that used scalding water and molten plastic. Easy Bake ovens could burn you. Our Dads could make us fabulous "wagons" that had no brakes and they never went to jail for it. "Small parts, not meant for children under three" Oh fiddlesticks! I thrived on a steady diet of Barbie shoes and who doesnt remember the splintery tastiness of Lincoln Logs? Play-Doh was always saved for desert. We had model cars and toys made of metal; heavy things that could easily knock out a sibbling or a pal that you have suddenly decided to hate.

We were sold cereals that proudly boasted of their sugar content in their names. "Nuclear" and "Atomic" were good words. They meant progress, not tumors. Above all, we were swindled! We were blatantly lied to! It was wonderful and we kept coming back for more. How many packages of Sea Monkeys did YOU get before the words "brine shrimp" finally sunk in?

As an adult, I did receive some as a birthday gift. I kept them in a jar, just two survived but happened to be male and female. They had babies! I had sea monkeys for months but was never able to teach them any tricks except for how to swim in the toilet once their jar needed cleaning.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

After the Party

We had a birthday party for the Christ puppy, Trevor. He was born on Christmas Eve so it's a good excuse for having a Christmas party and if I call it a dog party, people won't expect as much. It went well but I have so much wine and beer left over. The wine I can take to other parties but nobody drank a single beer and I got two cases. I must get it through my head that I'm an old fart now and so are my friends, the days of "keggers" are over. I am investigating the other uses for beer. So far I have found that it is a good hair rinse, a tenderizing marinade and an efective snail killer.

Oddly enough when everyone was gone, I found the book "the Secret Life of Water" on my coffee table. My sister and I had been interested in the experiments that had been done that I mentioned in a previous blog. This is where I start believeing in a higher power, on the sub atomic level. My sister works at the library and had tried to order the book but it was at some other library and would take a week or two to get. Suddenly one of her co-workers who had also seen the movie featuring the experiments said "Hey Diane, do you believe in quantum physics? Do you believe that something can be in two places at once?" With that she held up the book which had just come in from some other place. Very strange, so I figured that Diane had just brought it with her to show me but no. We still don't know who left it behind... did anybody? Was it Santa? I suppose this is "a sign" I'd better put on my strong glasses and get reading!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Bad Seed

Here is my alter ego and childhood idol, Rhoda Penmark. I used to wear my hair in braids to look like her. Lovely child!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Oh Dear

Five postings and it's not even 2:00. See what happens when I turn on the computer? Forget quitting world of Warcraft, I could stay in Youtube for a month. I did find a good clip from "Everything Is Illuminated'. Funny, though, When I look at Elijah Wood, all I see is Mumble.

Curious George and The Bible

And if you doubt that religion is stupid, just look at those who believe in it. George believes that God wanted him to be president... I'm sorry but if I were inclined to believe in mythology, I would say that it was the devil that gave him this position. The man is a far worse terrorist than Osama. What makes him any different in killing for his beliefs than the guys that flew planes into the twin towers?
Absolutely NOTHING!
Please understand that when I criticize the ...president (choke, cough, sputter)I am criticising the administration. Poor George isn't smart enough to destroy this country single handedly, he's just the patsy. Still, it is utterly amazing to me that people can listen to this freak and believe that he has any more sense than a proboscis monkey. Unbelievable! You can't say Fundamental without the word "mental". George w. believes that anybody who doesn't buy into the Jesus thing is going to Hell. That's scary! It's scary that somebody who is that insane would be put in a position of power. But there's lots of crazy folk out there. There are people who are perfectly sane and intelligent who are devout in their beliefs that make no sense whatsoever. When focused on their faith, it's as if their brains know to run and hide and wait until the desire to reason returns. These poor little brains have been beaten for their unwillingness to believe in fairy tales and know when to retreat.
People, in general, are not really that stupid. Stewart Copeland expressed it best on an episode of "Politically incorrect" when he pointed out that our bible is just as nutty as the Quran but the beauty of this country is that we don't REALLY believe in our religion.

Keep the (lack of) Faith!

But I DO Believe

I just don't believe in religion. While I understand that the essence of faith is to believe in something that cannot be proven and that the LEAP of faith is a beautiful thing, it is also very harmful. I believe religion is the deadliest poison on this planet but I do believe in God. I need not take a leap of faith to do so. I believe that a higher intelligence is present at all times and it's evidence can be seen. If it helps to envision this energy as some bearded guy answering your prayers, go ahead, have at it. just don't hurt others who disagree. I see God in Quantum physics. At a sub atomic level, particles are influenced by our thoughts (prayer) Magic is real, we just need to rise above our ego driven selves.

Here is an example of what gives me goosebumps and lets me know that there is a God.

Sunday School

Awright Kiddies!
It's Sunday, time for your brainwashing! Cleanse that brain, make it shiny clean and perfectly empty so that you may receive your weekly dose of religious bullshit. That's right, fill your head up with doody! It's good for you! AND it's good for the country! Our military enterprises would go bankrupt were it not for religion. After all, religion is the cause of most wars. Without religion, we might not have any wars, THEN WHAT would we do? Why that would be just awful for our career soldiers. SO keep that hate flowing! Go buy a new bible today! Don't be confused when that bible contradicts itself, just pick the most hateful truth and that is the one that is sure to be God's will. Remember, above all, that God will never answer your prayers unless you give him lots of money!!!

Now here is a most inspiring man. I believe the Lord is speaking directly through him. Praise God!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Girls Gone Stupid and Shaved Pussy

I remember the dawn of women's lib, the bra burning, the protests. I didn't agree with some if it but was grateful for most of it. Throughout history women have been opressed (mostly due to religion). We fought to get the vote, to wear pants, to work, to get the same pay and to have equal rights. Decades of hard effort and now the young generation aspires to be in "Girls Gone Wild". I suppose I may sound like a prude to some, it's not nudity I'm against, it's stupidity and women's willingness to exploit themselves. I can understand why the Muslim nations call our women whores. In the case of certain high profile celebrities, this seems to be an accurate definition.

The latest trend of flaunting one's genetalia like a new purse is rather disturbing. I can believe that going sans panties might feel kind of good, like skinny dipping; but the ladies I knew who dared to do this wore longer than usual skirts to avoid embarassment. These fabulous celebrities wear very short mini skirts which suggests to me that this these pussy slips are no accident, just a desperate plea for attention. (But we're used to that from Paris, what ELSE can she do?)

Spot the Twat!:

Lindsay Lohan

Britney Spears

And there's one of Jennifer Lopez but I'm having a hard time finding the site and I'm too lazy and too high brow to waste a lot of time looking for pussy. So why are these women so needy for attention? They have lots of money but that obviously doesn't buy class. Maybe it's just the PETA side of them. They are being humane in giving their crabs a breath of fresh air.

What is noteworthy to me is that they are all completely shaved. (Well, pretty much any girl with two IQ points to her name would know to use Veet rather than a blade in certain areas... Oh yes Paris does seem to have razor burn) Pamela Anderson is clean as a whistle in her latest Playboy ...spread.

Is this what guys want? I always thought that men who wanted a clean shave really wanted a ten year old and that's creepy. True the garden should be tidied but not plowed under, right? It's called "bush" not "desert" right?? Sure the Angela Davis Afro is out, but what about the runway, the Hitler look or maybe just a John Waters Moustach??? NOTHING????

Well guys, if that's what you want, fine but NOT until you're just as diligent about ridding yourselves of back hair!

PS: Paris cover up that nasty thing. As Borat would say, "It hangs like the mouth of a tired dog"